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On June 8, Christina Aguilera will release her new album, "Bionic."

But the singer announced her return to the music business loudly, proudly and provocatively this week: she posted the video for "Not Myself Tonight" online.

In the video below, and in the still shot from it seen here, the singer embraces her inner dominatrix. She recently said: “I’m more confident and comfortable in my own skin. I think I’m even a more sexual Christina."

That's incredible news for warm-blooded males around the world, but it's stirring up some criticisms of Christina on the Web.

After all, she's a mother now. What will she tell her son Max when he sees her acting in such a manner?

“I never claimed to be a cookie-cutter soccer mom. That’s all good for some people. Not for me," she told Access Hollywood. “[Max will] grow up in a household where he knows mommy expresses herself artistically and some of that will have to reflect itself sexually, too, at times.

“He’s going to learn to respect the fact that women are allowed to express themselves and not feel shameful about their bodies or their sexuality.”

Sounds like a fair, mature message to us. WATCH THE "NOT MYSELF TONIGHT" VIDEO BELOW AND THEN SOUND OFF ON IT.

What do you think if this video?

The many sides of Christina Aguilera: singer, mother, movie star.

Lindsay Lohan's downward spiral continues - although this time, there may be actual, serious legal implications after she violated the terms of her probation.

That's no joke, and will almost certainly land her in jail, according to reports. On probation for DUI, LL has not fulfilled her alcohol education requirements.

Judge Marsha Revel made it unmistakably clear to Lindsay late last year that the fallen star must attend alcohol education courses once every seven days. 

The only exception? Inpatient rehab. The judge couldn't be more direct: If Lindsay Lohan did not comply with the terms of probation, she was going to jail.

She has not complied. Not because of rehab, either. Right, Michael Lohan? Seriously. Girl can't make one meeting a week? She has no work whatsoever!

Instead, she skips classes to party like a madman. Awesome work, Linds!

BLOODSHOT BASKET CASE: This is Lindsay in court. Court!

The school in which Lindsay enrolled is required by law to inform the court only if the student is MIA for 21 days. They haven't cited Linds for an attendance violation ... because she frequently waited until the 21st day to attend.

Her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, said: "We have received no negative written report from the program and contend Ms. Lohan is therefore in compliance."

Yes, but therein lies the rub. She (barely) met the school's requirement of attending every 21 days, but violated the court's order. The judge may take issue.

At Lindsay's progress hearing on May 20, she is expected to be called out for habitually violating the judge's requirement to attend classes every seven days.

The judge made it clear to Lindsay that if probation is violated, she's going to jail, no more second, third, fourth chances. And probation was violated. A ton.

We don't suspect the hard-partying lifestyle evidenced by countless news stories and Lindsay Lohan pictures is likely to give her much wiggle room, either.

It's been a good couple weeks for Conan O'Brien:

He's landed on his funny feet at TBS, and he's been named the second most influential artist on the planet.

This Sunday on 60 Minutes, meanwhile, the comedian will speak in depth for the first time on the decision by NBC to toss him aside as host of The Tonight Show and replace him with Jay Leno, who was all too happy to take back the gig.

Would Conan have done the same thing in Jay's place?

"He went and took that show back, and I think in a similar situation, if roles had been reversed, I know - I know me, I wouldn't have done that," O’Brien says. "If I had surrendered The Tonight Show and handed it over to somebody publicly and wished them well - and then... six months later. But that's me. Everyone's got their own way of doing things."

A classy individual, as evidenced by this statement he released in the middle of the late-night mess, Conan continued to emphasize that he could only speak for himself, refusing to completely lay into Leno.

As for why he left NBC, O'Brien remembers thinking "this relationship is going be toxic and maybe we just need to go our separate ways.

"That's really how it felt to me... and I started to feel that I'm not sure these people even really want me here ... I can't do it [anymore]."

While we appreciate how mature and professional Conan has been throughout this ordeal, we're also glad David Letterman is around - to basically be the exact opposite.

The ridiculous things Lindsay Lohan Tweets don't even cause us to bat an eye most of the time, but given recent events in her life, this one has us concerned.

Posting links to her "artistic" recent photo shoot with Tyler Shields, Lindsay looks like she's trying out for a Cinemax late night movie. Seriously. What a mess.

Someone whose friends already think will die soon probably shouldn't be packing heat, no matter what "art" form inspires her. And the lingerie shots ... wow.

We may even join Team Michael one of these days. Okay, that's a bit extreme. No way we'd ever give that waste of oxygen the satisfaction. Still, we worry ...

Believe it or not, this isn't actually for Cinemax. Here's what Tyler Shields himself wrote on his official site: "Everyone has an idea of Lindsay Lohan and last night I had the pleasure of working with her she is a huge art lover."

She is? All she does is get plastered and Tweet at Samantha.

Lindsay "simply wanted to create some and that is exactly what we did! Lindsay will have a few crazy shots in my upcoming book The Dirty Side of Glamor."

Check out the Lindsay Lohan pictures below (and call DCFS) ...

[Photos: TylerShields.com]

We love Matthew Morrison on Glee.

The Tony Award-winning actor is incredibly talented and entertaining in the role of Will Schuester. We even adore his hair, no matter how many cracks Sue Sylvester makes about it.

Now, we have yet another reason to give Morrison props, as he's put Justin Bieber in his place a bit.

"I don't get this Bieber thing," Morrison told E! News at this week's Academy of Television Arts & Sciences panel discussion. "I really don't get it. I hear he was in Australia and they kicked him out because he started a riot."

That's almost true, but it got worse in New Zealand: Justin's fans trampled his mom!

Morrison added:"I haven't even heard his music. I couldn't tell you one name of his songs - and I'm not lying about that!"

Justin actually seems like a perfectly nice guy, but his mammoth success has gotten to his head. The crooner called out Disney, Miley Cyrus and The Jonas Brothers recently.

Asked if he'd ever want the young singer on Glee, star Cory Monteith laughed and replied: "What's wrong with a little Bieb? Everyone needs to be a little infected by the Biebonic plague."

Ewww! Let's hope Bieber wears a condom when meeting up in private with his legions of fans and this never actually happens.

Jon Gosselin has hired a new attorney to represent him in his custody battle with his wife Kate Gosselin. She should expect to be fired by mid-May.

Family law expert Mary Vidas will now handle the lawyering for the former Jon & Kate Plus 8 star, who recently fired his last attorney, Anthony List.

That dude repeatedly blasted Kate, after which Jon claimed List never represented him. Guy has issues keeping attorneys and girlfriends straight.

Kate’s lawyer Mark Momjian, has been notified that Vidas is now handling the case, though, so it looks like Jon actually did green light this move.

We wouldn't get too comfortable if we were Mary Vidas, though. Or Ellen Ross.

Jon with the kids! Smiling kids! Must be an old, old photo.

Despite bracing for a court battle, Jon says he wants to resolve things amicably with his ex-wife regarding future child support and custody terms.

Reports that Jon was about to drop his custody lawsuit surfaced yesterday, and sources say Jon and Kate are working behind the scenes on this.

At issue: Jon being broke, and wanting to spend more time with the kids.

We'll see how that all shakes out. Vidas will represent Jon Gosselin at his next custody hearing at Berks County Court in Reading, Pa., next month.

Better bring a bodyguard ... Hailey Glassman may try to take him out.

The She Wolf is on the prowl, and she's set her sights on Arizona.

In response to that state's incomprehensible new immigration law - which allows the police to ask for the identification of anyone suspected of being an illegal alien - Shakira is going on the attack.

She's headed to to Arizona today to get involved in the issue, telling Ryan Seacrest on the radio this morning:

"As a Latina, I'm very concerned how this law can impact working Hispanic families. I think that being detained in the street just because of the color of your skin is just wrong, and it's a violation of human and civil rights."

From the American Idol stage to the rights-violating streets of Arizona, Shakira is everywhere this week!

The Colombian-born singer, who is as charitable as celebrities get, will hold a press conference with Phoenix mayor Phil Gordon this week.

Like her truth-telling hips, we hope Shakira gives it to the lawmakers straight. After all, Arizona has actually made it legal for cops to make like Nazis and order: Show me your papers!

"They're really willing to enforce the law even though they know it's going crush the dreams of so many immigrants who would like to have a shot at the American dream like so many minorities have in the past in this country," Shakira said, continuing:

"We all know that America has been forged by the dreams of those people and by their passion and by their contribution to the economy by working really hard, and that's what Latinos do in this country, is work tirelessly.

"I wasn't born in this country, and I know what a great country this is. It depends greatly on creating union, not division, and I think this law will create chaos and create division instead of progress and union, and I don't think it's fair."

We'd love to see anyone argue with that.

WATCH SHAKIRA'S IMPRESSIVE INTERVIEW BELOW.

After a bitter exchange of allegations that spanned the better part of a week, are UFC star Tito Ortiz and porn queen Jenna Jameson ready to call a truce?

Both seem to want the matter to die down and are withdrawing allegations resulting in, and from, Tito's felony domestic violence arrest earlier this week.

Jenna said Tito Ortiz assaulted her during an argument. She now says:

"What actually happened has been dramatically distorted and misinterpreted; Remarks Tito and I made after the police arrived reflect the state of shock we were both in."

In other words, he didn't do it, or she's covering for him.

What happened between Tito and Jenna? We may never know.

Tito insinuated that Jenna is an OxyContin addict who relapsed and hurt herself that day. But now the fighter's position is dramatically different as well.

He claims he found two OxyContin pills in a pair of her pants pocket and may have jumped to conclusions, as Jenna says the pills were very old. Tito's lawyer, Chip Matthews, now says the whole thing was "a big misunderstanding."

Jenna passed a drug test a day after the incident.

Why the change of heart? Tito stands to lose $15 million - his UFC contract plus other deals he's a part of - if he's prosecuted for domestic violence.

Makes sense that they want this drama to disappear ASAP. It's obviously less consequential if the case goes away, but whose story did you believe?

The United States might owe billions of dollars in debt to China, but the celebrity gossip world owes even more to Chyna.

The former professional wrestler, whose real name is Joanie Laurer, made news in the past for multiple sex tapes and steroid allegations. She's been a boon to tabloids around the country.

Now, Laurer is making headlines again... for yet another scandalous incident: Gabriela Targos, a (former?) friend of Laurer's, claims that Joanie beat her up Saturday night at the Sherman Oaks motel.

According to Targos, she simply invited Laurer over for the evening - only to watch in horror as the troubled Z-lister snapped, allegedly punching Targos in the face, dragging her by the hair and beating her with a wire hanger.

Targos escaped the room and immediately reported the incident to police. They are looking into it.

They might also wanna look into the photo above. That ain't right.

Despite our differences over years with Miley Cyrus, we're happy to give the singer credit when credit is due.

Miley took the stage yesterday as a big part of Make-A-Wish Foundation’s "World Wish Day" at The Grove in Los Angeles, joining Mark Ballas and Jordan Pruitt and putting on a performance for those in attendance.

In other Miley music news: she'll release a new album on June 22 and premiere the video for "Can't Be Tamed" on May 4. Word is, it will be quite raunchy and buzz-worthy.

Below, we've posted a slew of Cyrus photos from this event, followed by her performance of "The Climb" at the concert.

[Photos: Splash News]

Randy Quaid and wife Evi Quaid took a plea deal yesterday, ending a strange legal odyssey that was completely unnecessary and yet highly entertaining.

A judge tossed charges against the odd actor, while his wife pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor in their Santa Barbara, Calif., hotel bill-skipping case.

Under terms of the plea deal, both escaped additional jail time – they were already thrown in jail for missing court dates on several different occasions.

Evi Quaid must perform 240 hours of community service within a year.

CRAZY QUAIDS FREED: Innkeepers, put up the No Vacancy signs!

Outside court, Randy Quaid said the case taught him "you pay your bills when you leave, and I suppose that's something we can work on in the future."

Paying bills of $10,000? Not something most of us would forget to do.

Randy feels that he was treated a bit more harshly because of his celebrity status, although deliberately thumbing your nose at the law doesn't help.

The Quaids were accused of failing to pay a more than $10,000 hotel bill at an exclusive Santa Barbara resort and they had faced three felony counts.

Evi pleaded to the lesser misdemeanor of defrauding an innkeeper, maintaining that she thought they could pay the bills later by mail. Mmmkay.

We look forward to the couple's next bizarre legal altercation.

We were shocked to see Siobhan Magnus go home last night.

But that actually wasn't the strangest development on the American Idol results show.

During their weekly Ford commercial, the remaining six finalists made like Robert Pattinson, Kellan Lutz and company, baring fangs and pretending to be vampires... while Michael Lynche fought them off with a garlic pizza.

It was a strange sight all around, though Casey James and Crystal Bowersox actually pull off the look well, don't they? Watch the commercial below now, before Fox yanks it off YouTube:

What do you think of the commercial? Very cool, or very WTF?!?

We have an update on the tragic situation surrounding Bruce Beresford-Redman and his late wife.

Bruce is the former Survivor producer suspected of murdering wife Monica in Cancun earlier this month. While authorities are preventing him from leaving Mexico as they ponder charges and collect evidence, Monica's family has finally brought her body to Los Angeles.

Sisters Jeanne and Carla Burgos flew with the corpse, which was taken to the Gates, Kingsley & Gates Smith Salsbury funeral home in Culver City.

"It's very important to have my sister back where she belongs and have the family say goodbye and have a place to go so they can send their love," Jeanne said.

The body will now undergo further testing, as funeral service arrangements are being planned. It's a sad situation all around.

Time Magazine has come out with its annual list of the world’s 100 most influential people.

It's divided into four categories (Leaders, Heroes, Thinkers and Artists), although we have no idea how Sarah Palin ended up in the number-nine slot as a "Leader." What does she lead, exactly? Whatever organization pays her the most money to speak at its event?

But anyway.

Lady GaGa is considered the most influential artist on the planet, with Conan O'Brien ranking second. Also in the top 10: Oprah, Taylor Swift and Robert Pattinson.

The magazine spoke to a number of people closely associated to these celebrities and received the following takes on them:

Cyndi Lauper on Lady GaGa: Lady Gaga's art captures the period we're in right now. She isn't a pop act, she is a performance artist. She herself is the art. She is the sculpture.

George Lopez on Conan O'Brien: Conan's tenacity and wit have been an inspiration to me on my own late-night show. I'm happy and proud that we'll be playing on the same team when he comes to basic cable.

Chris Weitz on Robert Pattinson: Rob is a reserved, bookish sort of specimen, a guy who'd rather spend the night at the corner table in the pub with friends — a bit of a weirdo, frankly, in the best sense.

For the complete list of influential artists, see below.

1. Lady Gaga
2. Conan O’Brien
3. Kathryn Bigelow
4. Oprah Winfrey
5. Valery Gergiev
6. Robert Pattinson
7. Ashton Kutcher
8. Suzanne Collins
9. Taylor Swift
10. Neil Patrick Harris
11. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof
12. Prince
13. Lea Michele
14. Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik
15. Simon Cowell
16. Neill Blomkamp
17. Elton John
18. Marc Jacobs
19. David Chang
20. Banksy
21. Chetan Bhagat
22. Sandra Bullock
23. Ricky Gervais
24. Han Han
25. James Cameron

"If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son ... I got 99 problems but a b!tch ain't one." - Jay-Z

If only Samantha Ronson could say the same. Whatever dumpster Lindsay Lohan ended up in last night, she got the obligatory, accusatory Tweets out first.

Alleging that her ex is selling her out to celebrity gossip sites, along with plenty of other gibberish, the train wreck had this to say to her DJ ex:

• I'm pretty sure that @samantharonson just threw a fit @33years old and my friend tal @draishollywood ... illegally open NOW at this hour
• Asked me, after being here jus 4 Timbalands birthday-to leave even though she stayed over just 2nights ago-tired of @samantharonson
• Playing the innocent card, while chatting to tmz just like my ex-father, when all I've ever done is fall for a girl

Yep. All she's ever done is fall for a girl ... hurl drinks at a girl, accuse a girl of doing Miley's ex, fall in a cactus, and have DFCS officials visit, etc.

WHAT A MESS: We sympathize with Samantha.

This rant apparently resulted from LL getting kicked out of a club (so much for her retirement) last night at Ronson's request after she went insane in there.

Sam's response to Lindsay's online babbling was to Tweet the following:

• "I'm not here. This isn't happening."
• If I sing that to myself enough times will it be true?
• One more thing- if you're gonna be an idiot an do coke- do it outside the bathroom- some of us actually use them to pee in.
• Jack and crack will make for some crazy tweets.

Indeed. We eagerly await her retaliatory Tweets once the janitor tosses the previous night's trash into the bin outside the club and she wakes up in there.

NOTE: Follow THG on Twitter ... we won't spread lies about you.

On May 13, Grey's Anatomy viewers will learn what we've known for so long: Demi Lovato is adorable!

The young actress will guest star on that date's episode of the ABC hit. Set your DVR accordingly.

Meanwhile, Demi and her confirmed boyfriend - fellow cutie Joe Jonas - were spotted at the grand opening of the Revival Vintage store in Los Angeles yesterday. Earlier in the day, Lovato Tweeted:

“Played lose the paparazzi this morning on the highway. I won. Muhuhuahahaha.”

But the photographers eventually caught up to Demi later on, providing us with these lovely shots of her and Joe at the aforementioned event:

On May 13, Grey's Anatomy viewers will learn what we've known for so long: Demi Lovato is adorable!

The young actress will guest star on that date's episode of the ABC hit. Set your DVR accordingly.

Meanwhile, Demi and her confirmed boyfriend - fellow cutie Joe Jonas - were spotted at the grand opening of the Revival Vintage store in Los Angeles yesterday. Earlier in the day, Lovato Tweeted:

“Played lose the paparazzi this morning on the highway. I won. Muhuhuahahaha.”

But the photographers eventually caught up to Demi later on, providing us with these lovely shots of her and Joe at the aforementioned event:

Rielle Hunter, mistress to that disgrace John Edwards and mother to his two-year-old love child, gives her first TV interview today on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

The weird videographer recounts how the former presidential candidate's cancer-stricken wife, Elizabeth, slowly learned the full extent of his affair with Rielle.

Slowly being the operative word.

Rielle Hunter recalls how it was Elizabeth who encouraged John to come clean about his infidelity in 2008 ... even though she didn't know "the whole truth."

In the first interview John gave confirming his affair with Rielle, he denied fathering her child. Edwards finally admitted it earlier this year. What a sleaze.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about Rielle Hunter? Besides the fact that she's still around at all? She somehow denies breaking up the politician's marriage.

"She doesn't think she's a home wrecker," Winfrey told the AP regarding Hunter. "She does not think she played a key role in breaking up the Edwards marriage."

Hunter told GQ in March (after taking off her pants, then dubiously claiming she was repulsed by the photos): "Infidelity doesn't happen in healthy marriages."

"The break in marriage happens before infidelity. That break happened, you know, two-and-a-half decades before I got there. The home was wrecked already."

Whatever helps you sleep at night, loser.

John and Elizabeth recently separated after 33 years of marriage. They had four children together. Follow the jump for the first clip of Rielle on Oprah ...

Rielle Hunter, mistress to that disgrace John Edwards and mother to his two-year-old love child, gives her first TV interview today on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

The weird videographer recounts how the former presidential candidate's cancer-stricken wife, Elizabeth, slowly learned the full extent of his affair with Rielle.

Slowly being the operative word.

Rielle Hunter recalls how it was Elizabeth who encouraged John to come clean about his infidelity in 2008 ... even though she didn't know "the whole truth."

In the first interview John gave confirming his affair with Rielle, he denied fathering her child. Edwards finally admitted it earlier this year. What a sleaze.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about Rielle Hunter? Besides the fact that she's still around at all? She somehow denies breaking up the politician's marriage.

"She doesn't think she's a home wrecker," Winfrey told the AP regarding Hunter. "She does not think she played a key role in breaking up the Edwards marriage."

Hunter told GQ in March (after taking off her pants, then dubiously claiming she was repulsed by the photos): "Infidelity doesn't happen in healthy marriages."

"The break in marriage happens before infidelity. That break happened, you know, two-and-a-half decades before I got there. The home was wrecked already."

Whatever helps you sleep at night, loser.

John and Elizabeth recently separated after 33 years of marriage. They had four children together. Follow the jump for the first clip of Rielle on Oprah ...

We gotta talk, Life & Style.

We understand that you're celebrity gossip tabloid trying to make money, and that naive individuals blindly heed the words of talentless celebrities for reasons that make us ashamed to be a human being.

Therefore, you're gonna plaster their bikini bodies on your cover each week and make it seem like such geniuses as Kim Kardashian and Kendra Wilkinson can actually offer useful advice. But can you at least publish new material?!?

The latest issue of this embarrassing publication simple recycles old photos for its lead story and then quotes Kim, Kendra and others from interviews these stars gave months ago.

For example, Kendra offers these words of wisdom to anyone trying to get in shape: "I'm phasing [junk food] out, little by little... and "hiking, biking, just going outside and having fun."

How about you, Kristin Cavallari? What's your secret? "I don't eat processed food, for the most part. I try to eat all natural. I work out three to four times a week at the gym and do lots of sit-ups."

So... wait. People can lose weight if they eat healthy and exercise?!? This is novel information. What else can you tell us, Life & Style?

Only you can stop this madness, people. Stop purchasing these ridiculous tabloids, especially when we'll reprint their covers for free on THG. While the magazine above isn't the only offender - did you hear that Jennifer Aniston lost 7 pounds in 7 days?!? - it's clearly the most unoriginal.

See anything familiar on the cover of its previous two issues, prior to the one above?

We gotta talk, Life & Style.

We understand that you're celebrity gossip tabloid trying to make money, and that naive individuals blindly heed the words of talentless celebrities for reasons that make us ashamed to be a human being.

Therefore, you're gonna plaster their bikini bodies on your cover each week and make it seem like such geniuses as Kim Kardashian and Kendra Wilkinson can actually offer useful advice. But can you at least publish new material?!?

The latest issue of this embarrassing publication simple recycles old photos for its lead story and then quotes Kim, Kendra and others from interviews these stars gave months ago.

For example, Kendra offers these words of wisdom to anyone trying to get in shape: "I'm phasing [junk food] out, little by little... and "hiking, biking, just going outside and having fun."

How about you, Kristin Cavallari? What's your secret? "I don't eat processed food, for the most part. I try to eat all natural. I work out three to four times a week at the gym and do lots of sit-ups."

So... wait. People can lose weight if they eat healthy and exercise?!? This is novel information. What else can you tell us, Life & Style?

Only you can stop this madness, people. Stop purchasing these ridiculous tabloids, especially when we'll reprint their covers for free on THG. While the magazine above isn't the only offender - did you hear that Jennifer Aniston lost 7 pounds in 7 days?!? - it's clearly the most unoriginal.

See anything familiar on the cover of its previous two issues, prior to the one above?

After Sandra Bullock announced that she was divorcing Jesse James and adopting a baby from New Orleans, much of the celebrity gossip world rejoiced.

Not that a marriage ending is cause for celebration, but this guy was clearly not the same one she married, and things weren't about to be patched up.

The Michelle "Bombshell" McGee was just the tip of the iceberg for James, whose pattern of cheating (and love of Nazi stuff) drove poor Sandy away.

Now, the embattled James is speaking out for the first time about Bullock's decision to end their marriage and raise their new baby as a single mom.

He tells People, "My whole life has been full of hard decisions."

"The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest. The love I have for Louis cannot be put to words. Not having him around to love and to hold has left a huge hole in my heart."

"Sandy is the love of my life, but considering the pain and devastation I have caused her, it would be selfish to not let her go. Right now it is time for me to beat this addiction that has taken two of the things I love the most in life."

"I have always taken great pride in proving people wrong. That time has come again to show that I am not what everyone says I am. I know in my heart that I can be the best father possible to my four children, and the mate Sandy deserves."

"I realize that this is an incredible mountain to climb. But I believe that the steps I have taken in the last 30 days are the foundation for making this happen. The lifelong commitment I am making is what being a real husband and father is all about."

"I ask that you please do not judge Sandy for the things I have done. She has done no wrong. She played no part in any of this. She has been an amazing wife, mother, and best friend, for the over 6 years we have been together."

Dude, nobody's judging Sandy. That line reminds us of when Jay Leno begged us not to blame Conan O'Brien ... who Jay basically forced out of NBC.

We're obviously fully supportive of Bullock, but hopefully, for the sake of his children, Jesse is serious about changing and gets his freaking act together.

After Sandra Bullock announced that she was divorcing Jesse James and adopting a baby from New Orleans, much of the celebrity gossip world rejoiced.

Not that a marriage ending is cause for celebration, but this guy was clearly not the same one she married, and things weren't about to be patched up.

The Michelle "Bombshell" McGee was just the tip of the iceberg for James, whose pattern of cheating (and love of Nazi stuff) drove poor Sandy away.

Now, the embattled James is speaking out for the first time about Bullock's decision to end their marriage and raise their new baby as a single mom.

He tells People, "My whole life has been full of hard decisions."

"The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest. The love I have for Louis cannot be put to words. Not having him around to love and to hold has left a huge hole in my heart."

"Sandy is the love of my life, but considering the pain and devastation I have caused her, it would be selfish to not let her go. Right now it is time for me to beat this addiction that has taken two of the things I love the most in life."

"I have always taken great pride in proving people wrong. That time has come again to show that I am not what everyone says I am. I know in my heart that I can be the best father possible to my four children, and the mate Sandy deserves."

"I realize that this is an incredible mountain to climb. But I believe that the steps I have taken in the last 30 days are the foundation for making this happen. The lifelong commitment I am making is what being a real husband and father is all about."

"I ask that you please do not judge Sandy for the things I have done. She has done no wrong. She played no part in any of this. She has been an amazing wife, mother, and best friend, for the over 6 years we have been together."

Dude, nobody's judging Sandy. That line reminds us of when Jay Leno begged us not to blame Conan O'Brien ... who Jay basically forced out of NBC.

We're obviously fully supportive of Bullock, but hopefully, for the sake of his children, Jesse is serious about changing and gets his freaking act together.

Jenna Jameson claims Tito Ortiz is full of it when accusing her of being high on OxyContin during their altercation Monday - because she passed a drug test.

One day after the domestic incident that left Tito Ortiz arrested for assault, the test, administered by American Toxicology Inc. in Las Vegas, was negative.

The porn queen's system had no trace of 10 drugs she was screened for - including cocaine, weed, meth and Oxycodone, a major ingredient of OxyContin.

After his arrest, Tito claimed the incident was sparked by Jameson's addiction to OxyContin, and that she fell over in the tub. Jenna vehemently denies this.

Now, after receiving the results of the test, Jenna is reaffirming her claim that she was attacked: "I am definitely not addicted to OxyContin or any drug.”

Is Tito just trying to save his a$$ by slandering Jenna?

Reports suggest Ortiz threw Jameson in the tub. Tito denies this, suggesting she took a nasty spill herself. Is he lying, or is the truth somewhere in between?

Jenna's attorney, Ronald Richards, said the following:

"The lab tests clearly exonerate Jenna Jameson of any hint, iota, or suggestion that she ingested or was under the influence of any controlled substances."

"Statements made by anyone to the contrary are completely impeached by the results from this prestigious testing facility.” So where do we go from here?

Despite two contradictory statements Jenna made in the hours after the incident, clean test results cast some doubt on Ortiz's theory that Jenna relapsed.

Who do you believe?