Lindsay Lohan blames you for her failures.

Lindsay Lohan blames you, America, for her woes. After recent reports surfaced that she is mooching off of her DJ girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, Lindsay decided to discuss the matter with E! News. And of course, she handled herself with grace, class and honesty. Just kidding, folks.

On her relationship with Samantha Ronson:
“They need to stop saying we’re fighting. People telling lies about me to her and all this garbage. I’m really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work and the only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal.”

On the “real” Lindsay Lohan:
“I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs and I don’t lie. I love to act and write and be creative and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it.”

On why she can’t get work:
“If people would just leave my personal life alone–because it’s really not that interesting–then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting.”

On her dreams:
“I’d like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It’s all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be.”

Why do celebrities like Lindsay and Paris actually pretend they are interested in charity work? Come the heck on, if you want to run a soup kitchen, go run one. Don’t pretend you want to run one.

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